Venting Nostalgia & Envy

The *gasp* TWO year anniversary of Fate & Forgotten Secrets is literally around the corner, as in tomorrow, and I still haven't posted the epilogue. I'm not writing this post to apologize, it is what it is. I'm not going to feed you the line of "RL got in the way", because I personally hate that fucking excuse with the fire of a thousand suns.

Although the epi is about half finished, I am disconnected from my characters. It happens. It's one of the reasons I envy real writers. This happens to them also, but I know (from reading the oh-so-popular writer's blogs) that many of them who make careers out of this hobby find ways to shut down and back in bed, so to speak, with the people in their head.

And lucky are those with their support network in tact. Bringing me to nostalgia while still circling envy like a vulture. I remember two years ago when I started F&FS and the months to follow, then 6 months after that, then about a year into it. I made some great friends, some writers and some readers, some who were readers but didn't even read my story. They became this net of people that buoyed me through my writing. They would offer advice, tips, share funny stories, gChat with me late at night when I couldn't sleep, do last minute-crash edits for me, we'd bounce ideas around, shoot the shit about nothing.

Now about 95% of those people are gone. Some people I know why, we've had a falling out that I know about and a relationship had to end. Others, beats me? They just stop talking. You can only reach out to a person so many times and get no response before you say, "fuck it." Or worse, get a flat response. If we were friends and you were an author, we probably stopped being friends when I didn't have time to read your story and leave you glowing reviews anymore. Don't promise to keep in touch if you can't fulfill that promise. Sure, you can't see the future. So just don't promise it. It's simple logic. Let me say, I'm not perfect. I know I've let people fall by the wayside and it's likely a result of me trying to be friends with too many people and not being able to take that kind of social pressure, so I go into my solitary hole of random. This place, this fandom is not what it was. In fact, I dare say, I will say, it's just a wad of fucked up. I don't even think I belong in it anymore. I miss the days of 2009 and early 2010.


FFpassion said...

Enjoyed reading your post, I joined the fandom towards the end of 2009.
I was amazed at the friendships that were quickly made and the support everyone was willing to give each other.
These days some old friendships are still there but some have faded away.
I do miss them but what can you do *shrugs*
I hope you know I love to read your tweets and I really hope you don't leave us.
I still see you as a strong voice in this fandom. I have a lot of respect for you and you are a very talented writer.
Hope you're well and happy.

Debbie said...

I totally get where you're coming from with this post. While I'm not a writer, I am a busy mom and wife trying desperately to find time to read all of the many stories (including yours!) I'm dying to read, while at the same time keep up with the many amazing 'friends' I've met through this fandom. It is hard to keep up with everyone, and it's not for a lack of wanting to. I feel so bad when I lose track of someone, and hope they know it's not personal. I really barely have time to keep my real life friendships going, so I know what you mean. I do, however, have to say I think that while this fandom has changed in many ways, there are still a lot of amazing, supportive people out here, and I hope you stick around! I plan to read all of your stories, and would be really sad if you decided to leave the fandom.

JMizzle said...

Snshyne! I have missed you! I check your blog once or twice a month just to see what you have been up to and to see if you are writing again. You are a talented writer and I have missed finding Snshyne updates in my inbox. When I read this post, my heart really went out to you. I have not had these experiences in fandom (I kind of keep to myself and only review) But I have had this happen before in my personal relationship. It saddens me that people can be so cruel. I always felt like Twilight was an amazing forum for women to come together and celebrate a female heroine who get to choose the right path for herself. I understand that you have to forge the path that's right for you; and I really hope that writing is included. It would be a great lost to ff. Thank you for your words. Jamie

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